Another anniversary begun with a feeling of dread. I've mentioned before that my husband is a Fire Captain and I am so proud of him. I also try not to think of what he encounters on the job. I try not to think of the dangers he faces every day he is at work. If I did, I'd go crazy. I would cease to function. I would be useless to my kids and to him until he's home safe and sound and then it would start again the next time he walks out the door. When he expresses concern over things that I do, I casually say, "Hon, I could walk out our front door and get hit by a truck." But I'm a smart-ass like that. I live in denial.
We just finished watching a documentary on 9/11 made by two French brothers who happened to be filming a documentary about a rookie NYC firefighter on 9/11/01. They revisited the firehouse where they filmed and interviewed firefighters that were there that day. It brought back all the fear and anger I felt back then. Part of me wants films like this shown every year so that people don't forget but then another part is afraid that the more people are reminded, they will get tired of seeing it and begin to avoid that part of our history. It's kind of like me averting my eyes from the mirror when my fat ass gets out of the shower. I know that I should look to remind myself to stay on my diet but then I figure if I don't look I won't see how fat I really am and, therefore, I'm not all that fat at all.
Why should I be so worried about a terrorist attack in Las Vegas? I think everyone who lives in a large city, especially a popular tourist destination that is easily accessible, should be worried. Do you remember that the 9/11 terrorists all met here in Las Vegas in the summer of 2001, supposedly to hash out their plan? ( And get lap dances and give lousy tips. Honest!) The authorities also think they were gathering surveillance footage of our city for future attacks. That's why I'm worried. That's why I won't sleep until my husband walks through the door after his shift is over. And he wonders why I can stay up until 3 a.m. when he's working but can't stay up to watch TV with him past 11 p.m. when he's home. Hmmmm, dunno!